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New Releases 05 November 2012 – Bonfire Night edition!

It’s Bonfire Night! And the new releases this week will be brought to you with a tabloid-style over-reliance on wordplay based around the hot orange element we celebrate today. I wish it wasn’t this way, I do. But it is. So let’s get fired up!

There will be burning loins aplenty among the teenage girls of Britain with the news that anodyne popsters JLS are back with their new long-player Evolution. It’s a descriptive title, as they’ve ditched the generic r’n’b for some cutting old school rap with biting social commentary.  Not really. Same old shite and will satisfy their audience in the run-up to Christmas. And what’s wrong with that?

Respite for the parents of said audience comes in the form of Robbie Williams with Take the Crown. Hot flushes all round the country, no doubt, if anyone still buys his actual recordings rather than don a pink Stetson and heading to the local stadium to get pissed up and wait for ‘Angels’. Still, you can’t knock the lovable gurning spiv too much, as he’s now passed into the realms of ‘national treasure.’ Although so did Jimmy Saville, and we’re not talking about that. Still, this record won’t do anything at all to Williams except make him slightly richer and even more aware that his peak was a long way back.

Flaming good albums for actual music fans arrive from some disparate corners; the eponymous debut from Melody’s Echo Chamber is a rather charming pop album with a very light psychedelic coating. Redoubtable folk royalty The Unthanks come with their new record Songs from the Shipyards, which will heat up many a cold evening for fans of the ear-fingering madrigals. Crystal Castles burn into your consciousness with more bleeping and blopping dance on the imaginatively entitled third album III. Yes, they do try too hard.

For those who like their electro so cool it burns, check out Sam Willis and his latest Winterval. It’s glacial yet still manages to sound warm and fuzzy, like a hot chocolate on a crisp November morning. Not like Hot Chocolate on a crisp winter morning. That would be good, but in a completely different way.

Things that you actually want to set on fire come in the shape of unlovable ex-Radio 1 houseboat Chris Moyles, who has an album out. Seriously.  It’s hard to imagine anyone caring, but like anal bleachings and Downtown Abbey, someone must.

And, fittingly, Joe Cocker is last with his album Fire it Up. See, he gets where we were going with this. Oh, the record itself is dreadful, with the anaemic ersatz soul backings – which increasingly sound like they were rejected by Michael Bolton for being a bit wispy – providing the backdrop for Coker to sound like he’s having trouble passing a very heavy stool. But he released an album called Fire it Up on Bonfire Night. And for that we salute him.

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