• Most Recent Stuff

  • Twitter

    • Tickets bought to see @LukeHaines_News in Glasgow on May 13. No idea how he was persuaded to venture up North but bloody delighted. 5 months ago
  • Email Updates and Stuff

  • Archive

  • Posts, by month

  • What You Said!

    extremelisteningmode on Our new least favourite band…
    Sam on Our new least favourite band…
    Welsh band lover on The worst band ever! – N…
    extremelisteningmode on The worst band ever! – N…
    Welsh band lover on The worst band ever! – N…

Frankie, my dear, I don’t give a damn

So farewell then, Frankie Cocozza, colossal bellend and star of this years X Factor. Looking like the results of an unprotected liaison between Rod Stewart and a horse circa 1973, he strode the stage like a short-arsed police artist rendering of Pete Doherty, if Pete Doherty had been in Westlife rather than the Libertines.

Dressed permanently in unfeasibly tight jeans and possessed with the utter certainty that he was the first male ever to drink a bit and have the occasional fumble with a lady, he was simultaneously everything that’s right and wrong with this show. He was great TV. He couldn’t sing. He’s gone now for ‘transgressing a golden rule’ of the show. Sounds a bit Piranha Brothers to me.

Many people miss the point about X Factor. It has very little to do with music. It is to fill a few hours on a Saturday and Sunday night for ITV, attract enough viewers to flog a shitload of advertising spaces and make a bundle of cash from phone voting.

Sure, if they can wring some download and album sales out of it, whoopty-doo. But that’s not the reason they get up in the morning. If it was, we’d still be watching Pop Idol, the original version which Cowell, ahem, adapted into his almost identical facsimile. Why? X Factor is owned by his production company. He makes the money from it. He’d have had no need if selling records was anything to do with it.

Frankie’s problem is that he has now fallen between the cracks of the market. He didn’t appeal to the pop audience with his bad boy act. Now he has to try to sell it as authentic to people who actually would own Babyshambles records. But the very fact that he was on X Factor in the first place kills him for that market. So what does he do?

Being generous, a few months on the PA circuit of grubby nightclubs followed by any TV show desperate enough to use the word ‘celebrity’ in the title that they will book him. He actually does have no discernible talent. Everything about him seems forced. You’ll see two dozen Frankies in any major city High Street on any Friday night.

X Factor looks for TV stories with a slight pop twist. It is to music as Total Wipeout is to the Olympics. There’s no point getting caught up in it, simply enjoy it for what it is. And when you head to the Camden branch of TicketMaster next year and see someone vaguely familiar, rest assured it is indeed Frankie, and no, we won’t remember him.

Picture reproduced from Official X Factor site.

2 Responses

  1. “collosal bellend”. I’m laughing out loud at that.
    There was a similar tosser on (I think) fame Academy a few years ago, wore the Libertines-style jacket, rolled around on the floor, never heard from again.

  2. Yes, dated Fearne Cotton. In fact, I saw him with her at a Thrills gig circa 2002 in King Tuts. Shite act, shite celebs.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: