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Juggalo Soldiers – Fans of Insane Clown Posse classed as ‘gang’

News reaches us that fans of notorious US hip-hop group Insane Clown Posse have been officially classified as a gang. Because, of course, the world doesn’t have anything to worry about right now.

A new FBI document has categorised the Juggalos – they chose the name themselves – as a ‘loosely-organised hybrid gang’, citing the group’s violence, criminal activity and “gang-like behaviour”. We’re assuming they mean gangs in the Crips sense of the word rather than the Famous Five version.

Despite being slightly less threatening than a puppy with a painkiller problem, fans of the shock-rap troop – as good as it sounds, sadly – are now officially ‘of concern to law enforcement’, according to the FBI’s 2011 National Gang Threat Assessment report. Juggalos, it says here, have been tied to a string of recent crimes, including a shooting in January and the assault of a homeless man last year. Which isn’t really ‘a string’. It’s more accurately ‘two’. We’re just saying.

‘Open source reporting suggests that a small number of Juggalos are forming more organised subsets and engaging in more gang-like criminal activity’, which seems a rather thrilling way to say that some weirdoes are getting together and causing some bother before boasting about it online.

‘Transient, criminal Juggalo groups pose a threat to communities due to the potential for violence, drug use/sales, and their general destructive and violent nature.’ Well, yes, but you could say the same about anybody really.

The thing is, the ICP are really, really bad. Awful. Darkness-second-album, Brandon-Flowers-interview bad. It’s hardly a shock to the system to find that their fans may come from the lower order, crime-addled side of the track. But should classification come under the guise of fandom?

We say yes. Now it’s time for the police to form elite units of highly-trained rozzers whose sole role is to monitor, arrest and ferociously discipline fans of James Morrison. No longer should Razorlight fans travel unmolested along life’s highways. Anyone found to possess both Keane albums could face firing squad. It’s the future.

 

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