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Simply the Worst #1 – Angels

Yes, we finish our run-down of rubbish with this corking ‘tear-jerker’ from everyone’s favourite loveable punchbag. The worst song ever? It may seem a bit harsh, but ELM explains his reasons.

The mid-90s. Britpop was running wild and Robbie Williams was just the tubby fellow who used to be in Take That. He famously bestrode Glastonbury 1995 in a massive Addidas tracksuit trying to hang out with Oasis. His erstwhile bandmate Gary Barlow looked set to become the ‘Elton John of the 90s’ according to every tabloid while Robbie looked set to become the Elton John of the 80s – drugged up, fat and unhappy.

People forget that the world wasn’t exactly waiting for Williams; solo artist. His first single was an indulgent cover of George Michael’s ‘Freedom’. His second was a sub-Oasis rocker called ‘old Before I die’. The album sold sparingly. His chance, it seemed had come and gone. Newly sober, the man so memorably described by John Niven as ‘a song and dance spastic who got lucky’ looked as though personal recovery would not be matched with career rehabilitation.

Then this hit, and he never looked back.

What’s so bad about it? Well, it’s just…awful. The clunky piano chords, the tub-thumping pub singer, the cloying chorus – take your pick. It’s the kind of thing you could see Harry Secombe belting out on ‘Highway’ on a Sunday evening. It encircles your heart and then chokes it. It’s just depressingly, painfully bad.

And, of course, it is beloved by millions. People play it at funerals. Drunks sing it in bars. It was an international pop nerve toucher. It catapulted Robbie Williams to stardom and we haven’t been able to shift him since.

The piousness, the false religiosity, the delusions of grandeur which made Robbie such a loathsome clown then and have, to be honest, never really dissipated…they are all here.

Here Mark and Lard butcher it, deservedly. The Worst Song Ever? A big claim, but one we feel is justified.


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3 Responses

  1. i love robbie, not keen on his songs, but i love robbie, i want to adopt him or marry him, cant quite decide which

  2. I’d quite like to kick him down stairs or into traffic, can’t decide which either.

  3. I reckon calling him names would be enough to reduce him to a sobbing, quivering, suicidal wreck.

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