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Re-issue, re-package, re-package – Eliza Doolittle

Back in the day, it was easy to assume record companies didn’t really know what the public would like. Albums and singles came out in a never-ending splurge, thrown out in the hope that an audience would be found and everybody would get rich. When someone did leap out of the pack, record companies rarely examined why this act had broken through. Instead, they simply ordered up a dozen facsimilies in the hope that if the audience had liked it once, they could like an inferior version enough to buy their records. It wasn’t pretty.

It was nice to think that this practice would end when the internet became the most powerful tool in music. After all, even the laziest A&R man has literally thousands of new acts to look at simply by logging on. Alas, if the emergence of Eliza Doolittle is anything to go by, it seems they find the old ways just too difficult to move away from.

Eliza is the granddaughter of Sylvia Young, she of the stage school. yet she’s out there chirping away like a cockernee vixen who is a little bit woo, a little bit wey. She’s basically a Lidl Lilly Allen. And her record company have absolutely no qualms about presenting her as such. Millions of people bought her records – why not buy this toot too?

Sooooo many reasons. Firstly, the name, How unspeakably, god-awful is that? How much does even the sight of it make you want to punch yourself in the head until the blood mixes with the bone and you can grab some sweet oblivion from the world we’ve created?

Secondly, the faux-rebellious tone, designed to appeal to the sort of street kids Eliza’s parents spent fortunes on expensive 4X4’s to keep her away from as they ferried her to Granmama’s school. If that sounds like unrestrained class prejudice, it is. She’s trying to slum it from the rich house. She’s the girl from common people writ large.

The single is called ‘Skinny Genes’. Oh, the humanity. Even the cover artwork, redolent of Ms Allen and the Scissor Sisters, is designed to be familiar and comforting. You like this, it says. You’ve bought this before. It’s so patronising it hurts.

Radio 2 have loyally playlisted her single, but the complete lack of soul will see her heading into the history books sooner rather than later. It will hopefully be an expensive mistake for all concerned. There’s great new music out there – let’s go and find it. The public do not want this re-heated slop.

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6 Responses

  1. ELM , you say the internet is the “most powerful tool in music”. I think you`ll find that sobriquet belongs to simon cowell.

  2. I think that sobriquet belongs to Iain Mackay and Discord Records.

    No?

    😉

  3. aren`t we all straight edge on here ????

  4. Straight and on edge maybe……

  5. Straight? Really??

  6. And Lusty!

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