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Oh Christ, Amy MacDonald’s back

Contrary to what Forrest Gump was told by his Mother, life is seldom like a box of chocolates; sometimes you know exactly what you are going to get. Some things are apparent to even the simplest of souls. That January is a bit of a depressing month is one such obvious truth. Throw in this year some comedy weather and the fact that we are all even more skint than usual then it’s a doozy. But – and this is a big but – we knew that. We had time to prepare. We’ve had the feast, now the famine.

But then something unexpected and evil came along to ruin it. That something is ‘Don’t Tell Me That It’s Over’ by Amy MacDonald, the bellowing Scottish folk-pop harridan. January 2010 just nosedived.

It’s easy to hate Amy MacDonald. Her music isn’t just bad, it’s staggeringly awful. She sounds like a Scottish person who does a bad impression of an Irish accent attempting to do it after a stroke. The ‘tunes’, such as they are, sound like the worst type of modern ceildah muzak bullshit. Lyrically, she’s a vacuous little so and so, her worldview being that of a boring teenage girl with a highly-valued sense of her own intellect and a sadly under-developed sense of perspective. This latest song sounds like it could have been written by a four-year old after a cursory lesson by a competent music teacher.

Yet people seem to like her. She appeals to the thirtysomething couple who suddenly find they are more interested in stair carpets than life itself. This music is a somewhat raucous reminder of the good times. It remains, tragically, hip. To some people, Amy MacDonald is cutting edge. Think about that.

We’ll be accused of snobbery from some quarters, but we’ll live with it because we are right. Snobbery, in some cases, is good. And if it turns up its nose at spineless, artless guff such as this being hailed as anything other than the aural slow death that it is, then good.

Amy MacDonald’s music is worthless, from her artificial bellowing voice to her everywoman pissy lyrics.  Her music is far, far worse than that of, say, The Saturdays because they are at least honest about what they do. She’s a unit-shifter, and for that she is to be admired, but she contributes no more to the cultural atmosphere than Vinnie jones’  belly lint.

Run away, good people, run away – the witch is back.

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17 Responses

  1. On the other hand she looks like a dirty wee minx and would get it until rigor mortis set in.

  2. That’s sexist, that.

  3. Indeed it is but the sexual act itself would not only me offer me pelasure, BUT would ensure she was not singing or writing any songs for the duration of the sex act. So at least 1 minute of peace for the rest of you.

  4. Hmmmnn. You make a good point.

  5. Aargh. I thought she’d fucked off back to Bishopbriggs for good. That’s ruined my day, that has.
    At least we can laugh when its a flop.

  6. Is she still pumping that footballer?

  7. She is. This came about after she wrote a song called ‘Footballer’s Wife’ about how it’s only vapid tarts who go out with footballers.

    Whippet, she won’t flop. People like her. Then again, people are often wrong. Democracy doesn’t work.

  8. In fairness she’s not as bad as any of the 1,001 female synth popsters who all sound like Yazoo.

  9. I think, bertrand, you may be in love ?….a crazy , mixed up , foolish , doomed love that don`t amount to a hill of beans in this star-crossed world of ours …but, love nonetheless !!

  10. More lust than love….but she is so stupid. Apparently a new song is written from the perspective of Jamie Bulger. I’ll just let that sink in folks….

  11. I don’t have the words for what an arsehole that makes her.

  12. had the misfortune of catching a live session by her ont eh radio last week. Made me want to drown her. And not in what Bert wants to drown her in.

  13. So long as the end result is the same, I don’t mind if she goes via water or spunk.

  14. that is the most accurate review of her i have read.

    it is her singing voive that gets me too, it sounds like shes trying to swallow her own tongue whilst gargling inane words.

    utterly pointless

  15. Jamie – “it sounds like shes trying to swallow her own tongue whilst gargling”

    Brilliant!

  16. I’m glad I’m not alone in my utter revulsion at this horrible little wretch and her vocal pipes on loan from Dolores O’Riordan. The only comfort is, this brand of reed thin vocalist usually only last one massive album, Cranberries, Dildo etc. Fingers crossed this one disappears to the bargain bin as quickly as the others did.

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