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‘A Bloke in the Pub Told Me’….Facts!

GerbilA steadfast and indisputable truth of the Universe is that the Earth revolves around the Sun. Similarly, anything a bloke tells you in a pub is gospel. Once you realise this, it opens up a plethora of facts and figures which, while sharing the common factor of being singularly useless, are nonetheless mildly interesting. Many of these pass into folklore, becoming almost the defining characteristic of the individual. For example, if I say the words ‘Richard Gere’ to you, chances are you won’t immediately think ‘star of such films as ‘An Officer and A Gentleman’ and ‘Pretty Woman”. No, chances are your mind will conjure up an image of a small mammal of the order Rodentia. Is it true? Doesn’t matter. If a bloke in the pub told you, it’s beyond your mortal mind to contradict.

So with that, we bring you the definitive list of musical stars and the one fact everyone knows about them. Some are related to their careers, some to their proclivities. Oh, and some are made up. Should probably mention that.

  • Rod Stewart once had a spell working as an undertaker.
  • The Edge’s parents are Welsh.
  • Michael Nesmith’s mother, Bette, invented Tippex. He sold the rights for £28m in 1989. Possibly why he’s never as keen as the rest of them to do the reunion tours.
  • Shane MacGowan, despite being a professional Irishman, is actually English.
  • Morrissey’s Dad once had a trial for Manchester United in the wake of the Munich disaster.
  • Ozzy Osbourne read for a degree in Philosophy at the University of Los Angeles in the 1980’s. He achieved a second-class pass.
  • Noel Gallgher was a roadie for the Inspiral Carpets.
  • Bryan Ferry’s son Otis is an over-privileged twerp who, if he’s so keen on letting posh people hunt with dogs, should be forced to wear a fur coat smeared in fox piss and run around a field.
  • Sting can famously hump his interestingly-featured wife, ‘actress’ Trudy Styler, for up to five hours at a time due to tantric sex and that. I probably could too, for different reasons.
  • R.E.M.’s Peter Buck once threw a pot of yoghurt over an air stewardess due to a combo of air pressure and prescription drugs and not, absolutely no way José, because he was pissed.
  • Johnny Borrell has worn over 1600 white vest tops on stage over his career. He recieves them free from Fruit of the Loom and then donates them after one wear to poor people.
  • Peter Frampton’s teeth all fell out because of the vibrating effect of that thing that made the noise on ‘Show Me the Way’. You know – ‘wah, wah wah wah wah wah’. That one.
  • Bob Mould had a spell writing wrestling scripts  for WCW in the early noughties.
  • Fruitbat from Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine carved a successful career in the Civil Service after the band’s demise. He is now an Assistant to the Permanent Under-Secretary of the Treasury.
  • Ian Brown is not actually a Muslim, despite reports to the contrary. He was told to say he was during his stay in prison as it provided him with better food.
  • Bono dyes his hair and wears a size four shoe.
  • Frankie Dettori was an original member of Echobelly, but left after disputes with singer Sonya Aurora Madden. Over who got to stand on the box during gigs, presumably.
  • Billy Bragg once enlisted in the Army and spent three months as a squaddie. He bought himself out and discovered the Clash.
  • Ian Curtis listened to Iggy Pop albums in the hours leading up to his suicide.
  • John Peel got his first break into showbiz whilst studying in Dallas in 1964. He told a local radio station he was friends with the Beatles and they hired him as a DJ. Top blagging, Mr. P!
  • David Bowie’s eyes are different colours. This is because he was once punched so hard in the eye by the jealous boyfriend of one of his conquests that it changed colour. Ouch!
  • French imports of Pearl Jam’s debut album, Ten, were banned throughout the bible belt states because the translated title, Dix, was thought to be offensive.
  • Punchable pop prick Chris de Burgh picked his own records as all ten choices on desert Island Discs. Really.
  • For a brief period in 1991, ‘Been Caught Stealing’ by Jane’s Addiction was the national anthem of the Soloman Islands, because the dog heard barking at the beginning of the record is a Soloman Mastiff, a breed renowned for its sense of timing and irony.
  • Ryan Adams first name is actually David.
  • Marc Almond…Thelonius Monk….TWO PINTS!
  • 8 different sailors, too.
  • Gram Parsons came from a family of rich orchard owners and had a trust fund which provided well for him.
  • Chris Martin was an alternate for Britain at the 1996 Olympics in the Discus.
  • Simon Cowell was a member of the Punk group Eddie and the Hot Rods, who had a hit with ‘Do Anything You Wanna Do’. He left as he didn’t want to tour France in a cramped van.
  • Carla Bruni is married to French President Nicolas Sarkozy.
  • Malcolm McLaren came up with the concept for the Sex Pistols with the express intention of ‘selling more trousers’ from his boutique, the subtly named Sex. It worked, to be fair to the curly-headed loon.
  • Paul Weller’s song ‘Sunflower’ is a trbute to a healthy lifestyle. It refers specifically to his move from butter to low-fat spread, a move Weller later attributed not only his svelte figure to, but also getting his career back on track after the Style Council.
  • Andrew Ridgeley manages Lewis Hamilton’s business affairs.
  • People in the 80’s didn’t think George Michael was gay, for some reason.
  • The eighth biggest selling album of the 1986 in America was ‘Officer, What’s That Noise?’, a collection of sound effects and beatboxing by actor Michael Winslow, who played Larvelle Jones in the Police Academy movies.

We’d like to think we’ve given you a veritable treasure trove of information there. Enjoy, but use wisely, my friends. Not everyone appreciates the value of utter bollocks….

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2 Responses

  1. ” The Real Slim Dusty ” is not The Real Slim Dustys real name. Really.

  2. Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your site and wanted to say
    that I’ve really enjoyed browsing your posts. In any case
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