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You Couldn’t Sell All Your Tickets – U2 Struggle While AC/DC Thrive

AC/DC - what's not to love?

ELM’s most scabrous contributor, ScantRegard, here looks at how the economy is affecting different acts at the top end of the market. And laughs at some of them.

Ah, I love the smell of schadenfreude in the morning. You see, rumour has it that our good friends U2 are imminently about to start reducing the prices for their upcoming tour in an effort to get some bums on seats. Don’t worry if you have already shelled out a small country’s health budget on tickets to be harangued by the blue-rinsed hypocritical little arsewipe, you, of course, will get nothing back. And it serves you right – what were you thinking?

Also coming through the rumour mill are tales of Coldplay and JayZ downgrading their stadium tour to arenas to compensate for the fact they can’t sell enough briefs. The gen is that last weekend’s clash of the titans Scottish cup semi-final between Falkirk and Dunfermine attracted a bigger crowd than is currently projected for Chris and his pal’s big show at Hampden, forcing them to downgrade to two nights in the venue formerly known as the big red shed, the SECC.

So why the backlash against the stadium gig? There’s the obvious point that the economy is in its sharpest decline since Neville Chamberlain came home with Hitler’s autograph. It’ll be a shock to Bono that people just don’t have £200 to donate to his one-man crusade to get on the tits of the leaders of the free world.

And, in these tough and worrying times, I find it hard to believe that people would be prepared to part with a considerable chunk of their hard earned to watch po-faced millionaires tell you why you are an evil bastard for not buying the right coffee/adopting an African orphan/paying off third world debt/finding a cure for aids/ stopping the proliferation of nuclear arms/negotiating peace in the middle east/buying a £50 hoodie from the merch stand.

Two stadium acts who seem to be weathering the storm of poor ticket sales are AC/DC (naturally) and Take That (what can I say, HRT has a lot to answer for). This is no coincidence. Take AC/DC first. They are proper legends, who haven’t embarked on a tour of this scale in the UK since god knows when. There is genuine buzz, people are excited and are preparing to rock with only a smidgen of irony. AC/DC is expensive, but if it proves to be the rollicking good fun I am hoping for, it will be worth every penny of the £60required  to gain entry.

And Take That. Well, four middle aged men dancing badly and singing off key may not be my idea of a good night out, but who can argue with the original pink pound? Tens of thousands of women and gay men are getting whipped to a frenzy of over-hormonal excitement at the thought of Mark warbling his little heart out, Gary being earnest and dancing like your dad and the other two doing whatever it is they do.

What the DC and TT have in common? Bloody good fun. Is Brian Johnson going to whine on about fair trade, or blow our bloody socks off? Ex-fucking-actly. So, my advice to you, U2, you want to sell more tickets? Cheer the fuck up and play the fast stuff. Coldplay, I fear it may be too late for me to help.


3 Responses

  1. I believe Springsteen is also selling well at Hampden.

    Again, someone who hasn’t played here in a while and will play all the songs you want to hear while not acting like an arse. There’s a lesson in there somewhere.

  2. I forgot about Bruce. And Dre, oops.

  3. To be fair, they all forgot about Dré.

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