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Confessions Of A Justified Sinner – What Critical Darlings Do You Just Not Like?

Do you remember Simon Mayo? He used to be on Radio One in the 90’s, which was odd as he was a bit of a turgid Godbotherer, but there you go. He had a not-very-good segment on his show called ‘Confessions’ where members of the public would make up stories and pretend that they had done them so they could ‘confess’ and get on the radio. It was bobbins.

What brought this to mind was hearing a musical confession from a friend in the pub the other evening. A Bob Dylan song came on and, rather sheepishly, he admitted that whilst he recognised Dylan’s undoubted and unfettered genius, he just didn’t like his music. Now, Dylan is one of the rock firmament’s most sacred of sacred cows. You just aren’t allowed not to love him, or at least pretend to. Kudos to my friend for admitting it.

Deep down, there are a few out there that you just, objectively, cannot understand what all the hoopla is about. I have never seen the point of The Specials. ‘Ghost Town’ is shite and has no tune. There, I’ve said it and I don’t feel bad. But it always makes every list of ’20 Greatest Singles’ in music publications I respect. Yet every time I hear it – and I have tried to see what the fuss is about, honest to God I have – I sit and wonder why anyone would want to listen to it for pleasure. It’s a dreary, funereal trudge with novelty Goon-style noises. (There’s another one, now I think about it. Spike Milligan. He’s not fucking funny.)

Now, there are many acts out there who you may not like but you understand why people do – that’s not what I’m after. For example, Bjork has never rung any of ELM’s bells, but we can see what she brings to the table. I would never dream of sticking on a Moby Grape album, but I get why people would. No, I’m after the stuff that people absolutely salivate over that you hear and think ‘that is utter cack!’

Aphex Twin, Rufus Wainwright, Antony & The Johnsons – all beloved and all absolute anathema to my ears. But no more shall we feel guilty! For today, I shall take on the role of a musical Priest (though without the paedophile tendencies, and therefore fictional) and absolve you of all sins. Today, you can speak freely and without fear. If there is an act that all your mates like, that all the music press adore but that you just deep down do not like, step up and say it proudly. You will get into musical heaven undaunted! Carpe the diem folks! Lose the weight from your shoulders! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to get rid of the critical baggage and no act will see you condemned!

The Beatles and The Clash excepted, obviously. We have standards round here, people.


12 Responses

  1. Being the unapologetic misanthrope I am, I’ve got bloody hudreds.

    Led Zeppelin – man wanking over guitar whilst cat is sodomized.

    The View – munchkin coke fiends with far far too much hair and not enough tunes.

    Nick Cave – its the same two songs with different words. And his voice is rubbish.

    The Jesus and Mary Chain – get a sound man, he’ll sort that feedback right out.

    Joy Division – thank god for washing lines.

    There, I feel cleansed.

  2. The Beatles: genius is the word always mentioned but I never have recourse to listen to their work. Ever.

    (I know The Beatles are banned but…..)

    Bruce Springsteen: some great songs but mostly bombastic, turgid jock-rock.

  3. You two are on yellow cards!

  4. Most of the bands I hate are not sacred cows and are indeed rubbish.

    Dylan I suppose is a great example….not easy on the ear but you can tell why he is rated in terms of lyrics etc.

  5. The Libertines. Never got the hype about them.

  6. Agree on the Beastles. My view of them is well-documented so I wont bore y’all.
    Nick Drake. Whiny, self-indulent finger-in-the ear-wank.

  7. The Pixies , bawbags. Fat angry guy , wears shorts on-stage.Showing his fat legs , urrgh. Probably one of those fat people that passionately protests their `happiness`, though obviously he is pretty unhappy with himself ; waves of mutilation ? waves of obesity more like.
    Fat Francis.
    Pretty baldy too.

    Yes , I`m a fatist .

    I live with that just fine.

  8. R.E.M……

    no , not really.

  9. Really interesting blog thanks.

  10. Hey Monkey Gone To Heaven by the Pixies is a good song and Aphex Twin’s Rhubarb will make you forgive them for there strangeness. Perhaps they’re overrated but it’s a matter of taste and I think certain people just say they love them cause it’s something ?cool which puts them these artists at a even higher level, builds them up and annoys people who don’t like them.

    But yeah.. Tom Waits..

  11. Someone I really hate is Antony from & the Johnsons.

    Yes, he’s gay and fat. Yes, he’s had a troubled life. Yes, he sounds a bit like a woman when he sings. BIG FUCKING DEAL. He’s a no-talent cockend.

    Beth Ditto also – famous for being fat and lesbian.

  12. I would like to take this opportunity to apologise unreservedly for my unreconstructed fatist diatribe , I have no idea what came over me.

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