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Get Down On Your Knees And Be Grateful For….

Merely four words, that’s all. Merely four little words. But, dear reader, is there any other phrase which causes your heart to sink faster than a drink round Amy Winehouse than ‘a new study shows….’? They range from facts that only simpletons fail to grasp (people who are overweight eat badly and then are unhappy) to the pointlessly obscure (we lose 6 years of our lives to doing that thing in the street where you are walking and someone walks up to you and you go one way to avoid them but they do the same so you go the other and so do they and you are stuck there forever.) That last one may not be true, but you get my point. And when it is teamed up with the phrase ‘in America’ all bets are off. Then it could literally be anything. ‘A new study in America shows that people who drink battery acid suffered serious study pains. According to the University of Hal and  Delorean, the test studies complained of mild discomfort at first before vomiting up their insides into a gigantic sickly puddle of organs and Bud Light’. Though, to be fair, I’ll believe any statement that starts with the words ‘in America’. You could tell me they’d invented a new banana which grows in plant pots and looks like Jemima from Playschool and I’d believe you. But I digress. The reason the phrase had come to mind was that I heard on the Radio today that a new study shows that if you focus on 5 things that you are grateful for each morning it gives you an energy burst. Hmmnnn. ELM’s initial temptation is to dismiss this as the demented ramblings of fools who probably all have perfect lives with insanely shiny toothed children, sexually voracious partners who are game for anything (including animals) and cars which run on their own sense of self-satisfaction. But ELM is combating it’s misanthropy this weather, and we are going to embrace it. And let’s face it, there are so many great things about music, we’ve limited it to five current things. The Kooks, obviously, just lost out;

Ida Maria’s New Album – Scandinavian Pop Music usually has that winsome, wan quality but closer inspection reveals that sort of thing usually emanates from Sweden or Denmark. Norwegians tend to be mental, and Ida Maria is no different. A long term fave of ELM, her debut is spunky, ambitious and above all, nuts. Check out new single ‘I Love You So Much Better When You’re Naked’. If you don’t like it, you’ve gone wrong.

Britney Spears To Star in ‘S&M’ Film – When I saw this headline, I initially assumed that her career had hit rock bottom and this was the only career choice available. Closer inspection revealed that Britney is fed up with being a pop star – though I wrongly thought she’d given that up in 2003 – and now wants to be a serious actress. So, of course, she has taken a role in a movie which ostensibly deals with risqué scenes but will, in all probability, simply amount to a titillating T&Afest. I don’t care. I’ll wank to it regardless.

Johnnie Walker on the Radio – Ah, Johnny. Rock music just never got past big choruses and power chords for him. Filling in for Terry Wogan just now, we have had lots of Bruce, Mellencamp, AC/DC and even World Party. All of which are great. Perks you up in the morning like a strong cup of coffee and a menthol. Also despises his audience in a subtle way, which makes me laugh. Great to have him back, frankly.

A Replacement for Kirsty MacColl – Finally, we have a new ‘Featuring’. Have you missed average bands being mightily improved by the addition of a talented lady on backing vocals?  Of course you have. Me too. So, step forward Laura Marling, whose charmingly English vocals can be found improving both Noah and the Whale’s ‘Five Years Time’ and The Mystery Jets ‘Two Doors Down’, two cracking summer songs. Her debut album is a bit ropey which indeed marks her out as a worthy successor to Kirsty. That invite from Billy Bragg must be in the post.

The End Of The Festival Season – Not that we are celebrating it, indeed we’ll be attending the last biggie of the Summer, the disappointingly booked Connect, but when the festivals end, bands start touring again! From September on you can see American Music Club, Sun Kil Moon, The Hold Steady, The Cold War Kids, The Fleet Foxes and countless others. Plus, it was warm twice last week, so I’m sick of summer. Give me cold nights, darkness, pubs with real fires and cigarettes on the pavement. You know it makes sense.

Actually, I do feel a little bit more energised now! Who knows, there may be something in these studies after all!* As usual ELMer’s the floor is yours…..
(*There isn’t.)


16 Responses

  1. Discovering a great band/song by chance – just tuning the radio to a different station, or clicking a random link on myspace. Priceless. Recently discovered mates of state and rogue wave this way, and they are great little bands.

  2. BTW, tip for Laura Marling. Don’t go to mexico on your holidays.

  3. You are going to Hell for that one!

  4. – Torrent files and the music industry being so rubbish it can’t work out how the internet works.
    – Nick Cave, Mark E Smith and a few other old bastards who seem to get better as they get older
    – Gospel choirs.
    – Rock n Roll in general
    – The bass guitar
    – The human voice and its ability to harmonise
    – I could be here all day…

  5. The bass guitar? never!

    Music is, indeed, my arrowthang, or whatever the fuck they sang.

  6. I’m going to hell anyway. That’s the tip of the iceberg, mate.

  7. On a more cheery note:

    Hand claps
    Chiming bells
    Harmony vocals
    The rickenbacker guitar
    The 60s
    The Barrowland Ballroom’s sprung floor (and sweaty ceiling, and big sign)
    Amps that go up to 11
    Big beat

  8. Christ, who’d lsiten to me? I can’t even spell my own name right.

  9. I like God God Man. Good name for a band.

  10. Get Down On Your Knees And Be Grateful For…..

    I Fought The Law- by The Bobby Fuller Four ,

    Stagger Lee by Lloyd Price ,

    Witchita Lineman by Glen Cambell

    These three records are the very bedrock upon which we have built this city ( so to speak )

  11. and also for……….

    Radovan Karadzic being taken into custody ; anyone seen the pictures of him ? a masterful disguise , pretending to be one of The Grateful Dead.

  12. Stagger Lee is shite. As are all murder ballads. FACT.

    As for the bold Radovan, how can we prove that he isn’t actually Jerry Garcia?

  13. 2nd question 1st – a quick finger count should do it.

    1st comment I shant dignify with a response my good man.

  14. I was intrigued by the title of this post ; I thought it might have been a competition to finish of a lyric for a rap song .

  15. I’ll give you Knoxville Girl but that’s as far as I’m prepared to go.

    Didn’t Ben and Jerry have an ice-cream Jerry G designed?

  16. Yes,but It wasnt very popular in the Ben+Jerry range due to complaints of acid indigestion.

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